Engagements > Ask The Chief Engagement Officer
Ask Steve Robbins, CEO
(Chief Engagement Officer™)
Is your proposal just a few details short of perfect? Send our expert, Steve, your most pressing questions. From proposals to picking a ring to how much to tip the waiter for hiding the ring in her dessert, Steve has the answers that will help you make those finishing touches!
Questions of the Week
Dear Steve,
How long do you think a couple should be dating before they decide to get married?
- Krystle W.
Steve's answer:
Krystle, there are no set rules here but let me offer suggestions. You both need time long enough to understand each other’s core values including trust, compassion, and respect. You need to thoroughly understand how the other communicates, how they are in times of sadness, anger and confusion. How responsive they are to your needs and feelings. Know their views on religion and how that will play out with family relations. Do they want to have children and what are their thoughts on parenting? What are the family dynamics they have lived and what would they want to change? What is their view of the future and how does this vision correspond to yours? In my view it is not a function of only time it is the coming together of the heart and the head, feelings and thoughts. That can happen in a relatively short amount of time (my own personal advice would be longer than a year, and it is something that no matter how many years may not come together). Sorry about the long answer short question. Think about not just the excitement and joy of new love, but more the true long term future; like fine wine it will be ready when it is ready. There are things you can and probably should talk about, but just being around one another and letting some time go by may also offer insight into the most precious thing you both have to offer which is your love and commitment.
Dear Steve,
I know that I want to be with my boyfriend. He is the love of my life. I want to marry him and I know he wants to marry me. We've talked about it. But, as most girls do, I am getting very impatient. Would it be weird if I proposed to him?! If I did, how could I do it so he knows that I am asking him, and not just talking about the future?
- Jessica H.
Steve's answer:
Jessica, I think the key is to always be sensitive and responsive to the combination of your inner voice and his feelings. As far as the proposal, some men prefer a traditional approach in which he asks her. However, in the recent years we are seeing more and more women propose marriage which is a very liberating experience. The good news is you two get to make the rules. In determining exactly how to propose, think about the elements that will provide the most enduring memory and fulfill his and your fantasy. Regardless of whether you take the lead or respond to his, do share your true feelings so there is no room for misinterpretation. If you speak from the heart then he will get it. Congratulations on being in love and good luck! Steve
Dear Steve,
I've heard that when buying an engagement ring, it is supposed to equal 3 months of your monthly income, is this true? If not, what is a rule of thumb when deciding to purchase an engagement ring? Thanks for the advice!
- Rick M.
Steve's answer:
Hey Rick. Don't be too influenced by what others tell you is the right amount to spend on an engagement ring. Most of these rules of thumb come from marketing departments and not caring advisors. The classic jeweler's answer to your question is two months, but I've always been bothered by putting this kind of price pressure on the customer as the meaning of the ring is far more important than what it costs. I'd recommend coming up with a budget range driven by the combination of what you can afford and what she and/or you discover to be her perfect ring. Best, Steve
Dear Steve,
How do I find out her ring size without her knowing my intentions to propose, especially if she never wears rings?
- Jason R.
Steve's answer:
Jason, no easy answers on this one but here’s a thought. If she has a friend or sister you can totally trust, next time they go shopping make sure they have your girlfriend try on rings and then take note of her size. FYI the average size is about 7. Take care, Steve
Ask Steve a Question
Steve Robbins will personally answer your engagement and romance-related questions. Other questions will be forwarded to an expert in the field you are inquiring about.
