Engagements > Ask The Chief Engagement Officer > More Proposal Questions
Ask the CEO (Chief Engagement Officer)
Past Questions and Answers
Dear Steve,
Is it tacky to tell my boyfriend the kind of ring I want? Or should I just let him pick it for me? And if you think it's ok to tell him the specifics (platinum, round diamond), can you give me any advice as to how to do it? I know he's thinking about marriage, but I don't want to push the issue...
- Fernanda G.
Steve's answer:
Hi Fernanda, this is a very good question that many people ask. My guess is that he wants to find out what will make you happy and that he would rather know than guess. That said he probably wants to surprise you and doesn't want to give it away. (Please note I am only guessing here and you will need to rely on your instincts and what you know of him and his intentions.) Three alternatives that come to mind: 1) Let it come to you and as painful as it might seem, just let nature take its course, no risk of pushing him, but no ability to weigh in for sure either. 2) You take a more direct approach, waiting for the moment it feels okay, then let him know that if and when he is thinking about proposing, you have some basic suggestions that may make it easier if he would like any input. This approach is a good one for some and not others, not one size fits all. 3) You begin to drop some hints, "I have always loved Platinum" etc... Walk by store windows, point out things in magazines etc. He will understand what you are doing and will either appreciate the direction given to him or feel pressure. Every relationship is different so please rely on the signals you get from him and what you are feeling to guide you. Good luck!
Steve
Dear Steve,
I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years and we are going to celebrate our two-year anniversary next month by going to Catalina for the weekend. I figured that would be a romantic spot to "pop the question." What do you think about that?
- Darren B.
Steve's answer:
I think you are spot on and that's a great idea. Consider renting a small boat, with a picnic lunch, and wine near sunset (assuming conditions are right). Just take your time and enjoy creating a lifetime memory, or even try a horseback ride to a special predetermined spot. The bottom line is there are so many romantic and beautiful spots in Catalina so you can't go wrong. Good luck!
Dear Steve,
My boyfriend has had an engagement ring for me for quite some time now, but says he cannot find just the right time to give it to me. Any suggestions to help him pop the question.
- Michelle P.
Steve's answer:
My general advice is let it come to you. If he wants to hear what is important to you relating to the proposal, by all means tell him. Otherwise I recommend just letting nature take its course. Often guys feel lots of pressure to get this right. My hope and guess is in the end he will. Congratulations on being in love!
Dear Steve,
I am planning to propose to my girlfriend in an Italian restaurant. When do you think is the right moment to pop the question and how should I do it?
- John H.
Steve's answer:
Hi John: First answer is to think about her and create an idea that represents her interests specifically and the love you two have for each other. Here are a couple of options depending on her personality and your relationship…
If she likes intimacy and romance:
I recommend taking a small corner seat, have rose petals adorning the table and with candle light let her know what she means to you, how she has changed your life and share the dreams you have for your future together. When the timing is right, the classic down-on-one-knee or simply taking her hand in yours and then asking her to marry you has served many people well. The key here is speaking from the heart and looking into her eyes… maybe a good kicker would be hiring a musician or trio… consider violin, flute, mandolin, or classic guitar for romance. At Robbins Bros. we can make all the arrangements for you as well as provide you with a ring box that shines a light on the ring from inside the box, which looksespecially beautiful when the lights are low.
If she loves the limelight and enjoys humor:
Then a thought would be to see if the restaurant staff and chef would be willing to serve the ring on a silver platter. With the restaurant’s okay, hire a high school marching band to come in with cheerleaders, batons and a banner that says “Will you marry me?” Or even consider a single opera singer… (fun, off the wall and memorable if she is wired that way). Family and friends could also be invited to participate.
Dear Steve,
I don't have a lot of money and am currently buying a ring to propose to my girlfriend. Do you have any ring-buying ideas that are inexpensive? Thanks.
- Jeremy B., Frisco, TX
Steve's answer:
Hi Jeremy: Absolutely doable. The issue isn’t how much you spend but what the ring represents. There are some beautiful designs available at almost any price point ranging from simple styles with a single diamond and yellow or white gold band, to fancy designs that have more than one diamond in any style imaginable. You may even prefer a plain band with no diamonds which is just as special. If you are planning to visit a Robbins Bros store ask to see the U-Two collection. You can also finance the purchase or utilize layaway which makes things easier. Whatever store you go into, do not be embarrassed by your budget. This is your moment and you deserve the same high level of attention and services no matter how much you are planning to spend.
Dear Steve,
I dated this girl for one year then she broke up with me. She never gave me a reason behind this only claiming it was not me but her. I was heartbroken since I really loved her. Within three months after she broke up with me, I moved to the USA and we haven't seen each other in five years. We've been communicating though on and off but lately she is all over me again claiming I was the perfect man for her and she regrets what she ever did. But at the same time she says she only did that because she heard from my workmates I was moving to the USA but I never told her. I have never been in a serious relationship ever since but I feel I still love her, and she feels the same way too even though she is not around. What should I do Steve?
- Dwaccii O., Irving, TX
Steve's answer:
Hi Dwaccii: If it were me and I felt she was the one, I would move mountains to explore this. True love is rare and too valuable to let it slip through your fingers. If she is in fact the one, before making any commitments long term, find out whether she is capable of openly communicating her feelings and be sure that that you are ready to do the same… So I would recommend a rendezvous where you both meet up somewhere and spend some time together. If the fires still burn then I would discuss strategies to spend more time together and go from there.
Dear Steve,
I want to propose to my girlfriend this year around Thanksgiving period...however she schools in Oklahoma. I want to surprise her and make this the best Thanksgiving of her life. I need ideas and suggestions, please.
- JR, Houston, TX
Steve's answer:
Hi JR: What an opportunity you have. Thanksgiving is a great time of year to propose. Proposals in my opinion should all be custom-made to fulfill your dreams together as a couple. It’s a special time to create a memory that will be cherished over the many years you will spend together. I recommend thinking about whether or not to include her family or to do this with just the two of you. Ask yourself the following questions: If you were to project her desires, is she more traditional or liberally spontaneous? Does she desire intimacy and romance or humor and fun? Does she enjoy the stage or is this something more private? Are there some special traditions or memories you can tie in, or is this about creating something completely new? Does she have a favorite place in Okalahoma that is particularly special for her? You are definitely on the right track to understand how much a proposal means and she is fortunate to have someone who cares enough to do some planning.
I can envision a plan where you show up one night (the night before Thanksgiving) and serenade and then request she comes out to join you. Have a horse and carriage carry you to a romantic place that feels cozy and romantic where you can create an atmosphere that is just right. If there is someone in her family or a dear friend of hers you can trust to conspire with in Okalahoma that would be great. The reason I recommended before thanksgiving is so you can plan together how to announce this to the family on Thanksgiving and possibly create two wonderful memories
Dear Steve,
Steve, I have myself in a bind here. My wife and I got married a year ago and she never got her special proposal. I work mostly 7 days a week and I had 3 days off when we got married. I want to give her a special proposal but we’re always busy. How can I create something special enough around our home that will give her what she deserves? Plus, I’m just a simple cowboy and welder with little romance in me but I do know how to love her. Can you help me out please sir?
- Morris P.
Steve's answer:
Hi Morris: You sound like a man that loves his wife and wants her to have a memory to cherish forever. This will take some planning, imagination and mostly just thinking about what she wants. You could write her a poem, cook her dinner, go to a beautiful place in nature, find some moonlight, sing her a song, or even weld her a special message. What she will love is the fact that you are doing exactly what you are doing now, thinking about how to give her the romantic moment she craves, and letting her know she is the woman of your dreams. Why of all the women in the world is she the one for you? Leave it all on the table. This is not about expensive fancy material things, but more about setting the time aside to let her know now and forever what she means to you and creating that in an unforgettable moment.
Dear Steve,
My girlfriend is 4 yrs. older than me and we are madly in love. I am still in college and will be for a couple more yrs. but I do not want to wait forever to ask for her hand in marriage. How long should I wait to ask her?
- Brandon H.
Steve's answer:
Hi Brandon: There are no absolutes here. From my perspective I would wait until you have graduated and have a direction career-wise. This way you will be self-sufficient and on an equal playing field. This may actually lead to more balance in the relationship. Wonderful things are worth waiting for… and think of the fun you’ll have getting to know one another even better.
Dear Steve,
My boyfriend is a romantic (who doesn't realize it). He's very sweet and caring and showers me with loving gestures. After listening to your ad on the radio he asked me how I'd like to be proposed to...the problem is...I have no idea...do you have any ideas?
- Jennifer C., Hacienda Height, CA
Steve's answer:
Hi Jennifer: Sweet and caring men are few and far between; congratulations on being in love! I would suggest telling him not how to propose but what you would like to feel at that special moment in your life, and to go with his instinct on the proposal (seems to me he will do the perfect thing). Some romantics like to go back to the first place they met, their first date, or the most romantic place they shared a special moment in time. Some like to break new ground experiencing a new place for their proposal; some like the excitement of the big city and some the intimacy and majesty of nature. While some couples like to do this together in privacy, others like to propose in the company of family and friends. This is personal to you and it is personal to the special bond the two of you share. Good Luck!
Dear Steve,
I’m planning on asking my boyfriend to marry me.... Yes I’m going to ask, we’re not that traditional anyway. I’m trying to come up with a way to ask him. What are the expectations for the girl asking her guy? When guys ask they give an engagement ring and get on one knee. Does me asking give me full ability to do what I want? Any advice please.
- Cheryl P., San Diego, CA
Steve's answer:
Hi Cheryl: My advice is to do this your way - asking the guy is not the conventional way, but who ever said love had to be conventional? The good news here is the sky is the limit, so use your imagination and think about what would create a special moment tailor-made for the two of you. Make sure you look him in the eyes and tell him what he means to you. Best wishes and please email us the story!
Dear Steve,
My boyfriend and I have already picked out the ring I want. He is holding on to it 'for safe keeping.' Now that we have the ring, he 'wants to surprise me' with the question. The problem is, he had the perfect chance when we went to San Francisco, CA for an entire week... together. He knows I hate surprises, and I can tell when he is hiding something. He says he'll ask when he's ready. I don't know what to do. I keep trying to ask him 'when, when, when?' He keeps saying he'll do it, but he's taking his sweet time. I'm afraid he doesn't know how to ask, or he's afraid we're too young. What should I do?
- Nicole, Placentia, CA
Steve's answer:
Hi Nicole: If possible give him space with this one. The feeling of pressure can feed on itself. It sounds like he has taken steps to make this commitment; just love him and let it come to you naturally. If after a period of time he still has not taken action, you can ask him to let you know how he is feeling about the situation. At that point if he is still hesitant, you have to ask yourself if you are okay with waiting indefinitely, knowing that he is not ready to pull the trigger.
Dear Steve,
This is not the norm but I want to ask my boyfriend to marry me. He has been hinting around to me about marriage but I have not responded back to him. Can you give me some ideas? Thanks!
- Christie, Waxahachie, TX
Steve's answer:
Hi Christie: There are no hard and fast rules here. You guys get to make up the rules as you go along in your romance. I would reflect on a singular moment where the two of you connected in a special wayÉwhere was it? Can you recreate a new moment in that special place? What scene is the one that resonates in your mindÉdoes he love the ocean or mountains? Is it a moment alone or to be shared with others? What sounds would you want to create? Think about your favorite musician. Paint a picture and then be in it together. Most importantly you should let him know what his presence in your life means to you; why of all the men in the world he is the one for you. Look him in the eyes and declare your love for him, and then ask him in your words if he feels and wants the same.
Dear Steve,
I became close to a friend. Then she became my best friend, but then I fell in love with her even knowing that she already has a bf, whom she loves dearly. Now her bf is in another country and we are here in the same city and are college friends. We often visit our homes regularly and we are very close. Is it right for me to keep quiet and continue with her as a good friend or tell her that I love her?
- KK, Irving, TX
Steve's answer:
Hi KK: Only you can determine what is right or wrong for you. If you declare your feelings for her it will change the relationship forever. Playing with fire tends to create burns. Until she has reconciled the relationship with her current boyfriend, there is risk in hurting her, yourself, and potentially the man you say she loves dearly. I recommend you aim for balance between your head and your heart. Think about her well-being as well as yours. Lastly, realize that whatever choice you make comes along with consequences, including the choice of hanging around her alone with the feelings you have.
Dear Steve,
I plan on getting engaged in a few months and I definitely want to make it special for my girlfriend. There's only one problem - she hates surprises! How can I be sure that my surprise proposal won't upset or embarrass her?
- Adam, Long Beach, CA
Steve's answer:
Adam - trust me, since it's the actual engagement I'm pretty sure your girlfriend will appreciate your sincere efforts to make this a special memory for her. I just recommend that you tailor the surprise to match her likes and not dislikes. If she is a private person and prefers intimate settings, it may not be such a good idea to propose in front of 20,000 people at a sports event. However, if she's a people's person and loves to be the center of attention, try popping the question on TV or even at a concert. If your intentions are good and you take her preferences into consideration you can't go wrong. Good luck and let me know how it goes!
Dear Steve,
I'm 30 years old and have been in a relationship with someone I adore for about 4 years now. I know he loves me dearly and we've talked about marriage in the past, but for some reason he just can't seem to get the words out. I suspect it's fear of rejection and not fear of commitment. How can I get this man to propose without seeming like a nag?
- Melinda, Houston, TX
Steve's answer:
Hi Melinda. You definitely don't want to pressure him to propose before he's ready. If you feel he's been thinking about it but just needs a little motivation, don't be afraid to drop a few subtle hints that will give him the green light to move ahead. For one, let him know that he's number one in your life. If you sense any insecurity or if another guy is showing you attention, reassure your sweetie there is no one else you'd rather be with ... ever. Point out happily married friends. Comment on how fortunate so-and-so are to have found each other and how much nicer their lives must be with the right person to share it with. Most importantly, be upfront about your feelings. Tell him that you can't imagine life without him and that you hope he feels the same way about you.
Dear Steve,
I'm just about ready to shop for the engagement ring and have no idea what type of ring to choose. I would solicit the help of her friends but none of them can keep a secret. How do I pick the ring she'll like? Not quite sure where to begin with my research. Please help!
- Clueless, Orange, CA
Steve's answer:
Clueless, no worries at all - we'll help you through this! First, consider the type of jewelry she wears on a daily basis. Does she like white gold or silver, or is she more into yellow gold? Secondly, is her jewelry simple, ornate or classic? Another suggestion is to pay close attention to the types of rings she comments on. Is she constantly saying how much she loves her best friend's solitaire ring, which is a simple yet elegant center diamond? If so she may appreciate a more traditional design. Lastly, consider her personality and lifestyle. If she is an accountant she may prefer a more traditional ring; but if she's an art teacher and favors things that make a bold statement, consider a contemporary style such as a "floating diamond" or even a vintage look.